Letter to the Editor: Evan “Warren Brown” Clary

I would like to address the injustice I have witnessed in the school paper. I do not usually use the term “left-wing conservative-media conspiracy,” but I feel it is somehow applicable in this situation. The school newspaper, specifically volume 60 issue 2, shows your reporters’, in my baseless and hastily-made opinion, deliberate and tyrannical suppression of the Young Cascadians Club from your newspaper. The only reason for this, as I have willfully ignored all rational reasons, is because Lake Views has a bias against things it does not know about. Others may use things such as ‘facts’ to dissuade others from believing my grievances, but we do not need facts where we’re going.

Let us begin by clarifying what the Young Cascadians Club is. Our main purpose is to promote an open forum for Lake Oswego High School students to discuss Cascadian secession. In this we also hope to create a new and, in my opinion, ‘cool’ side to the bustling political debate within the high school. And we are also ‘legit,’ we even have a Facebook group. Along with this we would like everyone to not confuse our movement with the Confederacy that seceded from the United States a long time ago. The Cascadian movement is not racist in any way, nor do we advocate for the un-abolition of slavery. We believe in equality, environmental awareness, and freedom of all kind. Freedoms guaranteed to us in the Constitution of the country we no longer want to be a part of, that are now being fervently violated by your anarcho-fascists, I mean reporters.

Now to the heart of my anger, the injustice I have seen in the newspaper issue in question. Reading the article on new clubs I noticed, or rather did not notice, the lack of Young Cascadian-ness. Now, I don’t have the facts to back this up, but I believe this suppression of information to be an orchestrated and cunning attack created by your reporters whose political agendas I would like to call into question. This malicious assault on our club is not only a statement against Cascadia, but all other Lake Oswego High School-based secessionist movements. All I can say is shame on you Lake Views, or in Cascadese: “shame on you Lake Views.”

There are remedies to this deliberate and calculated oppression of our organization, and off the top of my head I believe it would benefit everyone, and by that I mean the Young Cascadians Club, if you devoted a two-page spread solely to the Cascadian movement. Better yet you could use that greeting-card technology that allows you to record voices that will lecture about Cascadian secession when the newspaper is opened. This is the purest form of free speech: speech by surprise. Then, how about mandatory mentioning of Cascadia a minimum of once an article to ensure ‘fair’ representation of our movement? Regardless, I believe you should immediately dock the pay of all biased reporters based on a rubric I am willing to write myself (for reasonable monetary compensation of course). Or, simply, Lake Views could contact someone in the Young Cascadians Club when you do a story pertinent to our club.

Ball’s in your court Lake Views. I hope I have shown the power of quickly skimming the newspaper and having the time to write a poorly-worded letter. This issue of your newspaper should be the first and last time the right-wing liberal-media conspiracy will get away with suppressing the Cascadian movement. This will be the last time your Glenn O’reillys and Michael Mahers libel, or more realistically refuse to libel, the Young Cascadians Club. And know this: I have a lot more time on my hands and am not afraid to make more baseless and hasty accusations based on my own fragile emotional state. Watch yourself.

Respectfully yours,
Evan “Warren Brown” Clary