Such a great question that goes beyond compare, indubitably. You see, I’m a junior and that, I guess, means I’m supposed to take as many AP classes (praise be the College Board), sign up for as many extracurriculars, all the while trying not to die from stress and anxiety. That’s the plan and then senior year is meant to be a breeze. Sun in the wind and the breeze on my brow, totally sensical and placid.

That’s supposed to be the plan, however, it has recently come to my attention that colleges like to see cONsIsTeNCy in their applicants, meaning that I’ll have to do this… bear with me… next year all over again! I mean, we all will. This is a community effort, after all. Let’s not forget that school is about teaching consistency and work ethic to students, so for whatever reason, don’t just slack off senior year.

Okay now that we’ve wafted the funky air that makes up ~senior year~, let’s talk about what we should ALL think about when forecasting for next year.

For one, we should ALL be selecting the classes that make us feel good inside. Some of the best feelings in life come from the satisfaction of knowing you came from nothing, to become something. From dumb, to slightly less dumb. If all of us started from square zero, we’d all get to experience the true grind that makes up life: the feelings of stress, pain, mental exhaustion and sometimes depression. Oh and of course elation at getting a passing grade in a class you have no right taking. For example, if you love English and art, load up, maybe even triple up, on science classes. Likewise, if you absolutely love robotics and STEM, sign up for all the honors/AP English classes and start AP Art, right away. And if you don’t care so much about school, do all of the above. I’m talking about 8 year-long classes you don’t know or care that much about. It’s the best way to secure your spot at USC, UCLA, Georgetown and all the other prestigious universities we seem to want to go to.

On one hand you may best benefit from the Xtreme stress and anxiety produced from having one of these schedules, so in that case, just don’t go to school. Off-campus lunch every day, amirite? One may think that from a college’s perspective, a student that doesn’t go to school is a waste of time, energy and resources, but in my humble opinion, it’s an investment. Think of how amazing it would be to find a student that pays to go to school and doesn’t go, allowing another student to fill their place AND pay for their spot. Seems like a win/win.

One thing to consider is what to do with all of this newfound free time. It feels wasteful to read the news or books or anything educational. Ditch “The Times,” throw out “Don Quixote,” be gone “Walden,” and say sayonara to Cervantes, Socrates and the philosophical proliferations of Jefferson Moore. It’s not about how many words per minute you can read or even how much you know… it’s not even about what you think you do or don’t know. Truly, education is about unteaching yourself. Learning promotes brain growth and cognitive ability, but if you can learn to unlearn and regress into an amoeba-level intellect, that is zenith-level big brain. One that can unlearn the world is one that can unface their fears and undecide how to unsave the Earth. Generally, education shmeducation.

No, no, no. In all seriousness we all believe the goals of “success” are enough to do anything in this cutthroat kitchen we call life, but are they? Always remember hardworking students go half as far as those that thrift and grift their way through life… but who feels the best at the end of the day? Answer: The people who aren’t that tired.

If you have a question you’d like me to answer, please email via [email protected] with your mother’s maiden name and your social security number.