Ferris Bueller in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” once said: “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.” It’s a phrase we have all heard once or twice. It’s what my parents say when they encourage me to balance studying and working with fun activities with my friends and family. It’s a phrase that I used to think was only a silly cliche from my mom’s favorite movie. Now, I realize that its meaning has remained true in every aspect of my life as I grow older, often wishing I had paid more attention to the little things that passed me by too fast.
The other day, my friend picked my sister and me up from our house to take us to school, like she does every other day at 8 a.m. We crowded into the small white car like normal. I got shotgun (we go by seniority rules) and my sister slid into the backseat with my friend’s brother. We all drive to school together every day, but on this day I was struck by a wave of emotions as I sank into the tan leather of the passenger’s seat. I became exceptionally aware at that moment of how quickly time had passed. I could remember vividly the days when I would drive to school with my same friend and my siblings, but instead of riding in her car, my dad was driving us to elementary school in his crumb-coated dinosaur of an SUV. Now we drive to high school together each morning all by ourselves. As sappy as it sounds, I think I realized we were all growing up so much faster than I ever could have imagined.
Since that day, I have been grappling with the dread of simply growing up and constantly thinking about my fleeting childhood, some days longing for it to come back, wishing that I could blink and magically rewind time. Maybe I’d open my eyes to the smell of pancakes and bound downstairs to see my dad packing my lunch in my hot pink lunch box. Maybe then I’d run to my dad’s car and he’d take me to school where my only assignments would be spelling tests and times tables.
My entire childhood was overshadowed by my anticipation of growing up. More than any toy set or video game, I wanted to be older and to be taken seriously. I spent my time writing fake research papers in my fuzzy rainbow diary from Justice and reading books where the characters were in highschool. My dream as a child was to be where I am now, researching colleges and learning at a high level. As exciting as that is, I mostly feel melancholy when I realize how quickly my childhood aspirations of maturity have become clouded with endless responsibilities and chores.
While I enjoy the freedom that has come with age, I also equally miss holding my parents’ hands while exploring OMSI. I miss watching movies with my family in the evenings. I miss being served one small scoop of Umpqua frozen yogurt after dinner and falling asleep next to my dog on the couch. I worry about what I will do when my mom isn’t by my side when I am sick. What will I do without my dad to cook me dinner? These are the thoughts constantly cycling through my mind and reminding me that growing up can be equally upsetting and exciting.
While I can’t go back in time and make myself appreciate the smaller moments, I can surely start doing so now. In my junior year of high school, I am finally learning to soak in every seemingly inconsequential moment. Each lunchtime I am surrounded by my closest friends, every football game I get to watch, each soccer game I play alongside my teammates, every school dance and, most importantly, everyday as a whole.
