Loading ...- To every student whose parents park their car in the middle of the road instead of pulling up to the pick up zone. Getting through the parking lot has officially become the Lake Oswego equivalent of trying to get an In-n-Out Burger in Salem.
- The new vape detectors in the bathroom have officially been the cause of suspension for nine students. Considering the detectors are set off by any fragrance or smoke, I think it’s most likely that our student population has simply been taking advantage of the savior that is Poo-Pourri. It’s the only plausible situation.
- Daylight savings has once again been named the number one reason for missing assignments. This is the 105th consecutive year that it has won. Honestly I’m proud of daylight savings. Turning 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. and turning students into zombies since before sliced bread! Good going Oregon, I say scrap this idea of getting rid of daylight savings and keep on forcing us to fall asleep as soon as we get home.
- We’ve heard about the new Oregon law where clubs can no longer sell sugar coated oil cakes during lunch. It’s safe to say a good number of us are disappointed that we aren’t allowed to choose what to spend our own money on for lunch anymore, but do not fret! MUN now has the opportunity to sell what the people really desire: gluten free, fat free, sugar free lettuce with crasins and carrots! Thanks to this law we will all be healthier and in perfect shape for the dodgeball tournaments at assemblies.
- We are now incentivizing being on time to school with fried chicken and donuts. The glaring side-eye to students who are constantly late to first period with their Starbucks in hand is too real. Maybe set your alarm two minutes earlier and give up your almond milk latte. Happy No Tardy November!
- PDA is at an all time high. News flash! You don’t need to be holding hands while you’re microwaving your mac and cheese. Get a room please.
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November 18, 2023