Stumptown? More like Stunktown!

More stories from Grey Kautto

Spirit Phone Review
March 3, 2020

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I look forward to is that sweet cup of joe. Now, I’m not very particular when it comes to my choice in beans, brewing method, and/or style of coffee. I always thought that coffee could never be made incorrectly, but I was wrong.

My distaste for particular beans started when I tried Stumptown cold brew for the first time. When I took the first sip, it tasted overly smokey and there was an overpowering taste of bitterness. It’s similar to lapsang souchong, a particularly smokey tea. I thought, “maybe I got a bad brew,” I thought wrong.

This taste isn’t as noticeable when it comes to Stumptown’s regular hot coffee, which doesn’t overpower the entire cup. The only time that Stumptown cold brew is good is when it has nitro. Stumptown cold brew nitro is ever so slightly better, because it tastes creamier, but it still has the smoky bitterness plaguing it.

The cream and sugar cold brew coffees have a similar problem to the regular cold brew except the bitterness is masked in whatever flavor you choose. Now, I’m not opposed to these flavors of vanilla, chocolate, holiday cheer and coconut.

Except for coconut, it’s not the flavor that I was expecting. I thought it was going to be flavored with coconut but, it ended up being made with coconut milk and was vegan. It tasted odd compared to the other flavors. It’s disappointing because coconut is one of my favorite flavors in general, but it just doesn’t taste the same.

Overall, Stumptown coffee doesn’t live up to the hype that it drives. It’s bad, but at least it’s better than Starbucks.